Sales Resistance Is Futile
by AnvilAndy
Summary: Daffy Duck walks into the middle of a Sylvester and Tweety cartoon, and, just as in "The High and the Flighty", sells each other the exact same weapon. R&R. No flames, please.


Oh, the shame of it all! My Sylvester and Junior fanfic was removed due to its script format resembling a chat room! Well, rest assured, THAT won't happen again! In the meantime, here's Sylvester with his familiar adversary, Tweety Pie, plus a special guest walk-on...

(SALES) RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

A Tweety and Sylvester Fanfic by Anvil Andy

It was just another typical day in Granny's household; once again, Sylvester the Cat was piling furniture up to Tweety's birdcage, and, once again, instead of being in his cage, Tweety was at the bottom of the pile aiming a handy ACME blowtorch at one of the legs of the chair piled on the bottom, and, once again, this caused his feline nemesis to fall several stories below the cage.

"There's gotta be an easier way to catch that bird!" the black, lisping cat complained out loud to himself. Just then, as if by coincidence (which it really wasn't; just good writing on my part!), there came a knock at the door. "Now, who could THAT be, interrupting me in mid-cartoon?"

The door swung open. It was Daffy Duck, dressed in a green Homberg hat and red-and-black-striped tie. "Good day, sir!" the little black duck ebulliently exclaimed. "I represent the ACME Advanced Hunting Techniques Society, here to present you with the latest gizmo for hunting anything from rabbits to roadrunners, canaries to Spanish-speaking mice, wombats to walruses, you name it – "He then uncloaked, from a huge white veil, a large, mechanized horse-like contraption, and continued, "the ACME Trojan Horse Deluxe 2005 will catch it!" "Now IBM compatible," the duck added with a sly wink to the audience.

"Scram, Pest!" Sylvester snapped at the eager young go-getter of a salesduck. "I SAW what you did to Foggy and Barnyard Dawg in 'The High and the Flighty', 1956, directed by Robert McKimsuh... suh... son!"

"You sure you won't at least give it a free 10-day trial?" the persistent duck asked, his webbed foot literally in the door as Sylvester unsuccessfully attempted to nudge him out.

"What part of 'Scram, Pest!' don't you under – ", but, just then, the hungry cat's eyes lit up. "FREE? Ssssssufferin' Sssssssssssuccotash, I'd be a sucker NOT to try it out!"

"Excellent, my good man," Daffy replied. "Just sign your name on the dotted line, and, within three seconds, your new Trojan Horse Deluxe 2005 will be installed!"

Sure enough, in true toon logic, the Trojan Horse Deluxe 2005 was already installed within three seconds. At that exact moment, Sylvester climbed into the hatch, grabbed hold of the steering wheel, steered the mechanized contraption towards Tweety's cage, and pressed a button marked "FIRE", thus releasing a huge bomb.

Just then, however...

Tweety happened to have an ACME Trojan Horse Deluxe 2005 of his own, with which he used to spot Sylvester's bomb on a radar screen, push a button marked "RETURN FIRE", and launch a double-ended drainpipe in which the bomb traveled into – and immediately out of – right back at Sylvester!

After a huge explosion, which made a mess of the whole house, the cat came to and realized something. "Don't tell me – ACME Trojan Horse Deluxe 2005?"

"Uh-huh," Tweety answered. "And YOU, Puddy-Tat?"

"The same" he replied, dusting himself off.

"We have been fwim-fwammed!" Tweety exclaimed angrily.

"Yeah, hoodwinked!" Sylvester added.

Just then, their eyes darted angrily towards Daffy, the latter who decided, "Uh-oh, looks like I'd better make tracks out of here!" But, just as the little black duck started running, Sylvester and Tweety ran him over with the tracks of their new mechanized contraption – and there, on the ground, lay Daffy, flat as a pancake!

"Well, will you look at THIS!" Sylvester happily shouted, as he held up the flattened duck. "You know, there might... I repeat, there just MIGHT be a market for Pressed Duck!"

Just then, Granny entered the house, or, rather, what was left of it. "Oh, Flibberty-Gibbett!" she screamed. "Who's responsible for this mess?"

Tweety pointed to Sylvester, the latter who tried in vain to explain everything to Granny, but just shrugged and said, towards the webcam, "Aw, what's the use? She NEVER believes me!"

At that point, Granny chased Sylvester towards the sunset, smacking him with a broom and all, leaving Tweety alone to comment (also towards the webcam), "You know, I wose more Bad Ol' Puddy-Tats and pesky door-to-door salesmen that way!" he happily chuckled as the iris-out closed on him. Afterwards, a title card reads, "Dedicated to the memory of Isadore 'Friz' Freleng, 1905-1995.", and, lastly, but never leastly, Porky Pig emerges forth from the "Looney Tunes" drum to stutter his classic end tag line, "Buh-dee, buh-dee, Thea-thea-That's ALL, Folks!"

But, seriously, that WILL be all, Folks, at least for awhile – this Friday, my most recent semester of College will start (This school has a somewhat peculiar schedule), and, unless I can squeeze in more shorter entries to this site, I won't have time for more fanfics with my over-accumulated Homework schedule as is! I hope to have some longer, even more exciting fics in the works, too, whenever I can find time, in addition to continuing with the short ones. Until then, Ciao!


End file.
